We almost had two babies again, but D and I had to say no. It was really hard, but I believe it was for the best. As it turns out, the forever baby that we missed by a few minutes went to another family I know. A week later, they messaged me asking if I was interested in taking him because they were having a hard time with the kids they had. I was so excited! Then they messaged again two days later saying that they had jumped the gun and weren’t sure they could part with him and needed more time. That really, really sucked, but I didn’t want to pressure them. I wanted them to feel like they were making the right decision for their family without any outside pressure at all. So I waited, and eventually they messaged again saying they really didn’t think they could keep him. I went to meet him and hear his whole story, and now I understand why. The case isn’t nearly as cut-and-dry as I had been led to believe. The foster mom even told me that if it was going straight to adoption, they would be keeping him. D and I talked about how we really just want to adopt, and we can’t handle any more of the long, drawn out waits and the uncertainty and the messiness of foster care when our primary goal is to adopt. We’ve been through so much heartbreak, and there are already too many people fighting over this baby, and we already have a little baby who I love more than anything and who very well might go home, maybe even on my 40th birthday.
So we said no to baby #2, and I immediately felt like it was the right decision. I can spend more time with B, and enjoy the time I spend with her. I can put all of my energy into our private adoption and my health and my job. It’s interesting, because I’ve been trying really hard to make more connections in the foster care community in order to build my “village”, and there are so, so, so many people who have secondary infertility who are trying to adopt through foster care. And a lot of them are getting frustrated and giving up. I’m realizing it’s not THAT different than domestic infant adoption, where the newborns and infants are fought over by so many families who want them, except in each case there’s usually bio family also fighting for them. I’m tired of that fight. If I had known this back when my mom died and I inherited enough money to adopt, I probably would have just put that money toward surrogacy and avoided this whole mess.
As far as my health – I had to go to the doctor to get a signed letter saying that I’m healthy to adopt. Obviously that’s not an issue, since I’m as healthy as a horse (where in the world did that saying come from?), but while I was there I mentioned this hip pain I’ve been having for the last few months that makes it really hard to sit cross-legged (or criss-cross applesauce, as the kids say these days, which is much less offensive than what we said when I was a kid). I guess that means that I’m as healthy as a lame horse. Anyway, I LOVE sitting cross-legged. I don’t care if it’s not appropriate, it is by far the most comfortable way for me to sit, and not being able to do that because of hip pain is really frustrating. So my doctor is sending me to physical therapy and I’m SO excited!
D has been gone the last five days, and I have been super annoyed with him because he didn’t do ANYTHING to try to make it smoother for me while he was gone, and it has honestly been really hard to take care of a 4-week-old foster kid and work full time while the air outside is so disgusting I feel like I shouldn’t go out. I’m grateful that he’ll be home tonight, but now I feel like I need a vacation.
And our private adoption is coming along at a snail’s pace. It’s driving me a bit nuts. Every time I think I’ve just about finished all the paperwork, I find out there’s one more thing. This time, it’s a signed, dated, and NOTARIZED statement by D about his DUI. I’m going to have to closely supervise him in order to make sure he gets it done, which neither of us will enjoy, but if I don’t, nothing will get done. Argh. I’m so ready to be done and waiting for a match. I’m really concerned that there will never be a match, but I’ll be super happy to just be done with paperwork.
And last but not least, I was sure that my beloved cat’s time was near. I’ve had him for 16 years, when he was about 1-2 years old. I love this cat. I know I’ve written about him before, but he’s seriously the best cat on the planet. He’s sweet, cuddly, never bites or scratches, doesn’t run away from kids, and really just wants to sit by me and purr. He’s been getting so stiff and losing so much weight, and I’ve been so worried and I took him to the vet, and she looked worried, and said his arthritis was really bad, and then she suggested a painkiller and some joint support medication, and within 3 days he was back to his old self, with quite the spring in his step. He’s still old and skinny and not cured of arthritis but he’s obviously feeling SO MUCH BETTER, and it makes me happy.