So. I wrote about being closer to 40. I probably neglected to mention that a few weeks ago I sprained my ankle and was unable to exercise at all, not that I really have that much time to exercise. Ironically, I sprained my ankle a few days after I joined a gym that is basically a kickboxing circuit gym. You spend 3 minutes each at 9 different stations – one involves a warm-up that is usually some version of jumping rope, which I am apparently not coordinated enough to do, then there’s usually one station with weights or body weight exercises, then you move on to six stations of various punching and kicking exercises with different types of bags, then finally the last station is core exercises. There’s 30 seconds of “active rest” between each station, which I personally don’t find very restful, since it’s things like lunges, squats, crunches, push-ups, etc. I joined for two reasons: 1) I’ve been steadily gaining weight since I got married, my clothes barely fit and I don’t want to keep buying new clothes, and my joints hurt more and more. I obviously need to weigh less, and 2) I’m going on an overnight backpacking trip this summer with some friends and I don’t want to die in the mountains because I’m so out of shape.
Anyway, spraining my ankle put a little kink in those plans, and now I’m struggling to get back on track. Hitting the halfway point to 40 has really made me realize it’s now or never. I did some reading on losing weight, and I’m trying to do a better job of planning my eating. I know counting calories would work for me, but it’s really hard when I make almost everything myself and I really don’t know the nutritional information for what I’m making. I know I could figure it out with enough time and effort, but I don’t really HAVE that time. So after reading a blog about portion sizes, I’m trying to commit to just limiting the amount I eat. I’m definitely guilty of telling myself, “it’s healthy, I can eat as much as I want!” But calories are calories, and I’ve been eating WAY too much. It’s time to cut back and get realistic about the amount of food I’m eating.
My new goal is 40 by 40. That’s lose 40 pounds by the time I turn 40, which is 25 weeks away. I don’t actually HAVE to lose 40 pounds – I’m about 35 pounds overweight right now, but 35 by 40 doesn’t sound as good, so my sister suggested I call it 40 by 40 and give myself the first 5 pounds for free. I know, I know. It’s kind of like cheating, but it does help me feel like I’m already partway there (1/8 of the way, to be precise) so now I only have 7/8 more to go! 35 pounds in 25 weeks is totally doable, right? That’s 1.4 pounds per week, 6.3 pounds per month, give or take. I feel like I HAVE to do it if I ever want to feel healthy again. My mom died because of her incredibly unhealthy lifestyle, her poor relationship with food, and her complete lack of exercise. I don’t want to follow her footsteps.
In other news, I follow a number of bloggers that are not writing about infertility. It’s mostly home décor, organization, or some sort of lifestyle blog (healthy eating, vegetarian cooking, etc). In the last few months I’ve been blindsided by pregnancy announcements on those blogs. Today, it was a blogger who got pregnant their first month of trying. I’m not sure what to do now. I’m tired of reading all about their happy pregnancy journeys, how they’re setting up their nurseries and whatnot. But I don’t want to withdraw from the things I like. Being infertile is really rough.